domestic violence always looks different and can show up in unexpected ways. This will give you an insight into what it can look like.

You’re experiencing violence, and it’s done by the person you are in a relationship with

That’s what we mean when we use the terms "domestic violence", "relationship violence", or "intimate partner violence". This does not have to be a committed relationship. It can also mean that you have a more casual relationship, whether sexual or romantic. You do not have to live together, and you may have already been separated for a while. 

But it doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship. Even if two people are close to each other in some other way, for example within the family or as friends, this kind of violence can be called domestic or relationship violence. Often, children and teenagers are also negatively affected by violence in the home when they witness what is happening between adults in their lives. 

Domestic violence doesn’t always look the same

Physical violence, like pushing or hitting, isn't the only kind of violence. There's also emotional violence, like when someone threatens or controls you. Emotional violence can be just as harmful as physical violence, and it can affect your health and sense of self. Sexual coercion and rape are also forms of violence. Different types of violence often happen at the same time, or one form of violence escalates into another. 

Often, the blame is shifted to the person affected by violence

Abusive partners usually try to act like their partner provoked the violence in some way, like through their appearance or behavior. The blame is placed on the partner that is the one experiencing the abuse. In reality, abusive partners use violence to maintain control over the situation and to have power in the relationship.  

Violence is never justified, no matter the conflicts in the relationship

Abusive partners often state that they act out of jealousy, fear of loss of the relationship, or anger. Whether it's an excuse or the truth: the responsibility still lies with the person who chooses to become violent. Your partner should deal with negative emotions and find other ways to manage frustration. There is never a reason or circumstance that excuses hurting one's partner physically or emotionally.  

Violence is often treated as a private matter – and that’s a problem

Sometimes violence is not visible to outsiders, and often people look the other way. This makes it challenging to find help for people affected by domestic violence.  They might feel insecure and ashamed, or it might even be dangerous for them to tell someone. As a result, they feel they have to deal with the situation alone and never seek help, and the truth never comes out. But violence in relationships is much more common than you think – you are not alone.

You are not just a number or a statistic

But numbers can show that you are not alone in your experience.  Here are some facts about domestic violence for context: 

• In the EU, 33% of all women have experienced physical or sexual violence from the age of 16. In Germany, the number is as high as 40%. 

• In Germany, a quarter of all women have experienced physical or sexual violence inflicted by a person with whom they had been in a relationship or still were in a relationship. 

• In Germany, 42% of all women have experienced psychological violence such as intimidation or aggressive yelling.  

• In the EU, one-fifth of all women aged 15 and older have experienced stalking.

These statistics only account for women and girls, because data on violence against men is not collected in the same way in Germany and Europe. Similarly, there are no reliable figures on trans people, non-binary people, queer people, people of color, or migrant or disabled people. The same is true for religion. 

However, we know that due to the discrimination these groups are facing, they also experience higher rates of violence. This is shown by both the estimation of experts and surveys of people that are affected by violence.

Who uses violence?

Violence can be experienced and inflicted by people of any gender. Likewise, domestic violence can happen anywhere in society – no matter your social group, how much money you earn, or what your educational or cultural background might be. But if a person is affected by one or more forms of discrimination, they are more likely to be affected by violence as well.  

Every person has the right to be in a relationship without violence and to feel respected and valued. It doesn't matter if there has been one incident, or if there is a violent pattern of violent behavior in a relationship. Violence is a violation of your rights and is punishable by law!  

If you want to learn more about the different ways domestic violence can look, read on.

legally, there are different kinds of sexual violence. This will give you an overview of the most common types of violence

Domestic violence comes in many different shapes and forms

Many people think that domestic violence is mainly physical and must therefore be visible on the outside, like a person having a black eye that everyone can see. But in reality, domestic violence can also be emotional and psychological and remain invisible to others initially.  

In an abusive relationship, different forms of violence often come together. For example, violence can start as controlling behavior before escalating to physical harm.  

Violence can happen in any kind of relationship, no matter if it is a long-term or a casual partnership. Even after you and your partner have already broken up, violence can still be considered domestic violence because it relates to a relationship, past or present.  

Physical Violence 

Physical violence is easily spotted as violence. This kind of harm ranges from restraining, shaking, pushing and scratching to choking, biting and hitting and can be carried out by hand, with a tool or even a weapon. However, there are many more forms beyond the ones named above. 

Sexual Violence 

Sexual violence means that sexual intimacy is combined with violence. This is not about seeking physical closeness or pleasure - but about using sexuality as a means to exercise power and control over another person.  

Sexualized violence includes any sexual act that you do not explicitly want. If you feel uncomfortable during sex and other physical activity, or even if you feel pressured or forced to do so, it is not okay. You have the right to express your needs and the other person is expected to immediately take that into consideration.  

In a legal sense, sexualized violence means that you are physically unable to defend yourself, for example, because you are being restricted or suffocated. Persuading and pressuring or emotionally coercing someone into sexual acts can also be a crime. You always have the right to say no. Sex that you do not want is also rape if you are in a relationship. 

Emotional Violence 

Unlike physical violence, emotional violence leaves no directly visible traces. It might be easier to hide for a longer time – both from yourself and other people. That's why it can be harder to recognize. But emotional abuse is not "less bad" than physical violence, and it can hurt just as much and impact your health and well-being. 

Of course, it's normal to fight and be stressed in a relationship. But emotional violence is more than a fight. It includes controlling behavior, jealous fits and threats, intimidation and confinement. Emotional coldness, neglect, and isolating a person from family or friends can be part of it. Financial abuse, gaslighting, and taking away a person's self-esteem through insults and humiliation are also considered violence. 

Emotional violence must be taken seriously – in part because it often escalates into physical violence. 

often, people who experienced violence say it wasn’t easy to see in the beginning. This might make it easier for you.

Sometimes, it’s not easy to recognize violence.  

Most people think that it is easy to recognize when you experience domestic abuse in your relationship. But very often, it’s really not as obvious to tell. Some violent partners mask domestic violence and abuse as love or concern, while others make excuses or pretend to be helpless and in need of saving by the person they actually inflict violence on.

Asking yourself whether you are affected by violence in your relationship can be scary and confusing. Maybe you are not even sure what to make of the dynamic with your partner. Maybe you just have a strange gut feeling.  

To help you recognize emotionally or physically violent behavior by your partner in your relationship, I have put together some warning signs and signals: 

• Your partner is constantly about your whereabouts, plans, and who you are meeting. When asked a question, you feel like you are being accused of lying or doing something wrong. Your partner n becomes aggressive or stops talking to you if you refuse to answer those questions. 

• When your phone is turned off due to work or a weak battery, your partner keeps calling you, and if you try to justify yourself, they explain that they were simply concerned or that they do not trust you. 

• You are not keeping up with your hobbies anymore because your partner makes fun of them, criticizes you, or says you are self-centered. 

• Your partner is so jealous that you are afraid of telling them about other people, like colleagues, neighbors or acquaintances.  

• When you’re in a fight, your partner becomes aggressive and towers over you to intimidate you and invade your personal space. 

• In your fights, your partner insults you and is mean. Your partner knows what hurts you or makes you insecure and uses this information against you. You have started to be careful with what you say so as not to provoke your partner and keep the peace. 

• Even though it does not feel violent to you, you feel uncomfortable with the way your partner is touching you. Sometimes you get very anxious or nervous when they touch you. 

• If you’re not feeling like sleeping with your partner, they become irritated and start a discussion until you give in. You feel like it’s not enough to not feel like having sex and that you always have to justify yourself. Sometimes you even catch yourself thinking that you just want it to be over quickly and that you don’t feel attracted to your partner anymore. 

• Your partner is being hurtful and violates your boundaries and although they apologize later, these situations keep on happening. 

• Your partner doesn’t like your friends and family and doesn’t want you to see them too often. You are frequently told that your friends and family are not good for you or that they hurt your partner. It becomes so difficult and stressful that you stop picking up your phone or cancel hangouts with your friends and family.  

• If you tell your partner that you want to break up with them because of their behavior, they become very emotional. Your partner finds excuses for their behavior and begs you to give them another chance. You are feeling trapped. Maybe your partner even threatens to harm you or themselves, or they say that you will never find someone to love you as they do. 

• Even though your partner has mistreated you, they blame you for their behavior. They state that you did something wrong and provoked them and that they couldn’t help themselves. You are constantly told that their behavior is your fault and that you simply need to stick to the rules. But those rules were made by them and not the both of you. 

• Your partner does not give you space and thinks love means that you have to spend every minute together, which frightens you. 

• When fighting, your partner often brings up mistakes you made in the past to win the fight or make you feel guilty.  

• Your partner wants to have the passwords to your social media accounts, phone, computer, or your e-mail to check them regularly. 

• When you don’t do what your partner wants you to, they become cold and deprive you of their affection. 

• Because you fear their reaction, you don’t tell them that they scare you when drunk and that you feel ashamed of their behavior. 

• Sometimes your partner denies having done or said certain things, which makes you question your memory. Did you really do something? Or did you just plan to do something but then ended up not doing it? Although you are confident that you remember correctly, your partner claims the opposite and makes you insecure. This kind of behavior is called gaslighting. If you experience this, you should be careful and talk to someone you trust about it or write down what you think is going on. 

If you recognize yourself and your relationship in this description: listen to your feelings and talk to someone about them. Many people think that they are the only ones experiencing this kind of relationship because that’s what their abusive partners make them believe. Abusive people do this because it makes you feel alone and like it’s your fault. That means that they are not at risk of facing any consequences for their behavior. But you are not alone. There are hundreds of thousands of others that are sharing your experience.  

It is important to know that none of this is your fault and there are a lot of different people and resources that offer support. It’s about you and what you want to do. You are not obligated to do anything – but I am here for you and can provide you with information on where to find help.

We can plan your next steps together. 

you have quite a few rights in Germany when you experienced violence. Since I want to support you, let me tell you a little about them.

Going through the legal system isn’t the right option for everyone. But it might be for you

Experiencing violence from your partner or someone you know it can be difficult and feel like a great injustice. Your autonomy and freedom have been violated because another person has decided to take them away from you. Every reaction that you have now is understandable and totally legitimate.

Maybe you're exhausted, tired, panicked, sad, angry, or empty. Maybe you feel even more motivated to take legal action and achieve a sense of justice. Maybe you just want to be alone, process what happened, and not expose yourself to any further stress. People who have experienced sexual violence and have gone through the legal system report different experiences: some feel even more invisible, and some find it an important and freeing step to put the experience behind them. You know yourself best. Whether or not you want to press charges, if you know your rights, you can assert them. 

The German legal system

In Germany, many forms of violence are criminal offenses that can be prosecuted. You have the right that a criminal offense will be prosecuted. The German legal system is far from perfect, and there are sometimes large gaps in how the law is applied. For example, rape in marriage was not punishable in Germany until the 1990s. Even if every action that you think isn’t right is not a criminal offense and might not be able to be prosecuted, the legal system can be a strong tool to protect you and others. It is important to me that you know all your options so that you can take the path that is best for you. 

Evidence collection can happen confidentially

It is very helpful if traces and evidence on your body can be secured for a later court case. This includes injuries you have and, for example, the perpetrator's bodily fluids. It’s important to know that you do not have to go to the police for a confidential collection of evidence that produces court-admissible documentation. It can also be done in a hospital or by a doctor. We recommend that you first take care of your health and well-being, document the traces, and contact a victim protection institution before filing a police report. This gives you the best chance that the appropriate consequences for the perpetrator will result from your report and that you will receive the justice you deserve. A facility for those affected can help you find a lawyer, and also connect you with treatment and processing options. They can also provide financial assistance. 

How to be safe and confident when interacting with police

I recommend that you contact a victim support organization before making a police report. This will give you the best chance of your report having appropriate consequences for the perpetrator A victim support organization can help you, for example, to find a lawyer and to connect you with other therapy and counseling options. They can also provide you with financial assistance. 

Some people get scared by the very idea of going to the police and experience a lot of emotional stress. The very idea of going to the police can make some people afraid and lead to emotional stress In Germany, People of Color and migrants are particularly affected by police violence. But in general, contact with the police can be stressful for anyone. Unfortunately, there is no guarantee that the police officers will deal sensitively with your situation.

The best way to interact with the police is not to go alone to file a report or to other appointments. It is entirely your decision and nobody can pressure you into doing anything. Take a friend with you, someone from a counseling center or a lawyer. This person can help you answer the questions that are difficult for you and help you not answer questions that you find difficult or that are not appropriate. Under stress, it can be difficult to see and enforce your own limits. That's why it's good to have someone there who knows your limits. 

These are your legal rights

If you do not want to go this route, that's perfectly okay. An investigation or court proceedings can be quite exhausting, and remind you time and time again of the traumatic experience. Whether this is the right decision for you can be found out with the following information - because you can only assert your rights if you know them. 

• If you are in danger, you can call the police

If you dial 110, you will reach the police emergency line. If you are not in immediate danger or if the incident occurred some time ago, your local police also have a regular phone number that you can call at any time. You can find it very easily online by entering your zip code. If you are still unsure whether you want to contact the police, a counseling center may be able to help.

Of course, you don't necessarily have to call the police yourself. Someone else like a friend or neighbor can do it for you. What you or the other person who is calling should be aware of is that the police are required to take action against violence if they learn of it. This means that you should be sure beforehand that this is the right next step.

• You can get the violent person evicted from the apartment, even if it's not yours

The first thing the police can do when they learn of violence is to remove the violent person. Regardless of who owns or rents a home or apartment, the violent person must pack a bag and leave the residence for up to three days. How many days this is in your state, the local police can tell you. Then you can take a breath, collect yourself, and possibly even move out and get to safety.

• You can have the violent person arrested

The police can take the violent person into custody so you are safe for the moment. Please ask the police to let you know before the person is released or to tell you if that is not possible. You do not have to file a police report to do this.

• You can make it so that the person who was violent towards you cannot contact you

The police can order the violent person to stay away from you and your home, and not to have any contact with you. This is called a contact order. This also applies to children who live with you and for whom you are responsible

• You can file a police report

You can file a police report, even if the incident happened some time ago. But you may have to pay attention to different statutes of limitations. Filing a report is the first step if you want to take the legal route. For example, you can file a complaint about assault, coercion, false imprisonment or rape. 

How to file a police report

• You don't have to go to the police station to make a report; you can also ask the police to come to you first. This is significantly easier for some victims of violence.

• When you are interviewed by the police, you have the right to have another person with you, such as a friend, family member, someone from a victim support center, or a lawyer. 

• If you make a report, you have the right to do so with someone of the same sex. This usually means that women are provided with a female officer. However, because there are fewer female officers, you should call the police before making a report and let them know that you would like to make a report to a female officer. They will then be able to tell you if and when a woman is on duty or can be brought in from another station. It’s possible that the department has special provisions for queer or trans people, but there’s no guarantee. In this case, the person accompanying you can help you communicate with the police officers.

• If you are a person of color and you have legitimate concerns about contact with the police, the presence of another person can help as well. At the Anti-Discrimination Office, you can get advice on the topic of contact with the police.

• If you speak or understand little or no German, you also have the right to an interpreter. If you do not have a secure residence status, there is an additional accompaniment that can support you in contact with the police.

• If you speak little or no German or do not understand German, you also have the right to have a person present to translate during interviews with the police. If you do not have a secure residential status, there is additional support that can help you interact with the police.

If you decide to file a police report, it usually begins with your personal information. Afterward, you will be asked to tell as precisely as possible what happened and who was involved or how they looked. Usually, the police officers ask you detailed questions to make sure they have a realistic picture of the situation and nothing is missed. This does not mean that the officers do not believe you, but that they must know all relevant circumstances as precisely as possible. 

You will receive confirmation of the criminal complaint which contains the reference number and contact information of the department that records the report. You can also contact them later if you have any additional details. The officers will prepare a written record of your statement, which you then sign at the end. The time required to file a criminal complaint varies greatly. You can also file multiple offenses at the same time. However, it usually does not take longer than one hour.

What happens after you filed the report

After you have made your report, the police will begin their investigation. Be aware that the police are obliged to take action if they are made aware of a crime. If an investigation is launched, you will usually not have an easy way to stop it. If it is a serious crime such as rape or grievous bodily harm, the public has an interest in it being pursued, and the police must act accordingly. You can then withdraw your criminal complaint, but in most cases, the investigation will continue anyway. Only in the case of less serious crimes that are only being pursued because of your criminal complaint can the investigation be discontinued if you withdraw your complaint. However, note that a withdrawn criminal complaint cannot be filed again. 

That's how you'll find out if charges are filed

After you file a report, it may take some time for a decision to be made about whether or not an indictment will be filed. There’s a chance there will be no indictment at all, for example, if there isn't enough evidence and therefore a conviction couldn't be secured. The prosecutor's decision will be sent to you by letter in the mail. If that's a risk for you because someone could find the letter, definitely talk to a counseling center beforehand. Maybe it's possible to have it sent to their address. You should also talk to them if the person you're reporting shouldn't know your address.

What you can do if the prosecutor doesn’t choose to indict

If the prosecutor does not file an indictment, you can file an objection, but there is no guarantee that it will work. Then you can initiate an enforcement procedure. In some cases, it may also be that the prosecutor does not file an indictment, but you can pursue a private legal action.  

Someone with legal understanding or a person from a counseling center can tell you more about your case. If the prosecutor files an indictment, it will take some time before there is a court hearing. 

As soon as charges are filed, you as a victim of violence have the following rights

• You have the right to be supported from the beginning by organizations that help people affected by criminal violence

This can be in the form of advice or by providing you with accommodation first – for example in a shelter. Connecting you with medical or psychological help can also be part of it, as well as any other things you need right now.

• You have the right to use a lawyer – and if you can’t afford one, there’s assistance

You do not have to appear in court alone but can get legal advice and representation from a lawyer. If you have legal insurance, at least part of the costs will be covered by the insurance. You can find out more about this from your insurance company. If you do not have legal insurance and your income is below a certain limit, the "Weißer Ring" organization can give you a check for a free initial consultation. They can also help you with the costs of the lawsuit. You may then also be entitled to a voucher for free legal advice prior to a court case under the Legal Aid Act. Most courts also have witness counseling centers that advise, accompany and support victims and witnesses, especially during court proceedings. 

• In some cases, you have the right to be a co-plaintiff and to receive additional rights

In Germany, the state is the main plaintiff in a court case, while the victim appears as a witness. As a co-plaintiff, you have more rights than just as a witness. By filing a joint action you or your attorney can become a so-called accessory prosecutor. That way, you can get access to documents or information about the status of the case, make your own evidence requests, and request the exclusion of the public or a statement outside the courtroom. You can actively participate in the proceedings and enforce your rights better than just as a witness.

• You have the right to be supported psychologically and practically during the trial process

You can not only be legal but also psychologically supported during the trial process because the state recognizes that victims of sexual violence in the legal system need additional protection and relief. Psychosocial process support is a particularly intensive offer of support that’s with you before, during and after the hearing. It does not replace your legal representation but rather accompanies you beyond normal legal supervision. This support service is ordered by the court and free of charge for you.

• You have a right to information about your case

You can submit an application to the police or the state prosecutor's office for information on the current status of your case. The authority contacted is then required to give you certain information. 

• You have the right to be protected from further violence, intimidation and revenge

You have the right to be protected from the person who committed violence against you during the proceedings – as well as from other people who could pose a threat to you. There are different ways that you may not have to confront the accused person directly, but it depends on the specific circumstances of your case. For example, you may be questioned in the presence of the abuser during the investigation or during the trial. If you are concerned about this, it is best to speak with your legal representative.

• You have the right to receive money as compensation

Victims of violence often have to find their way in completely new circumstances, pay costs that can be quite burdensome, or perhaps have less energy and time for work. Therefore, you have the right to receive financial compensation.  

Either the money can be awarded to you in the judgment at the end of the court case or you can receive something called a restitutionary compensation. Of course, money can't undo what happened. But it can help you find a feeling of closure and make it so you don't have to carry financial disadvantages into the future. Most of the time, such compensation is rather disappointingly small. Nevertheless, you should ask your legal representative what is possible.

there’s a lot of ways to support yourself and to get support from others so you can navigate what you’re going through right now. Here’s a short overview.

How to deal with trauma

There is no right or wrong way to behave if you experience or have experienced violence. Experiences of violence are traumatic experiences, and dealing with trauma is something very personal. The most important thing is: to trust your instinct. If your intuition tells you that something is not right, take it seriously, because it is there to protect you. Do you feel uncomfortable in your relationship, nervous, tense or in danger? Then something is wrong - even if you can't quite put your finger on what it is. Ask for help, because there are people who can support you on your journey. Here are some things you can do to take care of yourself and find the support you need.

If there’s an imminent threat, please call emergency services or the police

You can reach emergency services by dialing 112 and the police by dialing 110—both free of charge and even if you have no reception with your network provider. You can either call yourself or have someone else do it for you. Obviously, contact with the police is not ideal—or even possible—in every situation, but it can help protect you. For example, the police can remove the violent person from your home so that you can have a moment to breathe and get to safety. 

Put your health first

If you have injuries from physical or sexual violence or your body doesn't feel like it normally does, see your general practitioner, gynecologist, or urologist – or go to the hospital in an emergency, of course. They can help you and give you advice. It's not easy for everyone to interact with the healthcare system because people who work there can also discriminate. That's why it's even more important to have someone support you. If you don't feel comfortable going alone, ask a trusted person to come with you. 

If you want, medical professionals can also give you information about where you can get confidential forensic evidence collection done in your city or area. 

Even if there are no injuries, your health suffers from a violent relationship. Your stress level is increased, and you have less time and emotional energy to take care of normal things like good food and exercise – not to mention the relaxation that everyone deserves and needs. Traumatic experiences can also be stored in your body. Moving and feeling your body can bring you back to the present moment and help you cope with your experiences.

Most people who experience violence and abuse try to distract themselves and deal with what they've experienced, often using unhealthy coping strategies, like disordered eating, excessive alcohol or drug use, and other behavior that can be harmful. Talk to someone who is medically trained and can support you in the long term to love and protect your body.

 But not only your physical but also your mental health is important. Always remind yourself that the violence is not your fault. Realize that you deserve to be treated with respect. Remember every day that nothing you have done can justify violence and it does not define you. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good and support you in doing what feels right for you.

You decide what happens

It may be that it is not yet an option for you to end the relationship. Maybe you're not ready to let go of the person yet. Maybe there are external circumstances, like money, that make separation difficult. Or it might be dangerous for you to break up now because often the violence of an abusive person increases when someone tries to leave. No matter what the reason is—if you can't or don't want to leave the relationship yet, you should seek help. Even if it scares you or seems difficult at first.  

What kind of support would help you depends on what situation you're in and what your gut tells you. The good news is that there are people who will understand your situation. Whether they have personal experience with violence or work for an organization that supports victims, they will only do what you want. Whether it's research, accompanying you to appointments, or just listening.
 

Talk about what happened to you to free yourself from the loneliness that silence can bring

If you can, tell someone about what you are experiencing. This will allow you to create an independent interpretation of the situation, regardless of the perspective that the other person gives you in your relationship. Tell a trusted person how you are feeling - of course, only as far as you feel comfortable and safe. It can feel very liberating to no longer keep to yourself what has happened or is still happening to you. 

Some people are overwhelmed when you share your bad experiences and strong emotions with them. They may not react the way you hope, and say hurtful things. Keep in mind: that it's not your fault. Some of your needs can be met by your friends and family. But it's also important to seek professional help, even if it's just for a conversation. For example, you can talk to your GP, school counselor, or helpline operator. And of course, there are counseling services that can help you. People who have themselves been victims of violence might be able to best understand how you are feeling now. Trauma tells us that we are the only ones who feel this way and that things will never get better. Sharing with others can help you feel less alone and really understood. The best response to trauma is community.  

You may feel like you can't talk about your experiences at all. The anonymity of a self-help group or online forum can help you overcome this and open up. 

Get support and answers to your questions

At a counseling center, you will not only find people who will listen to you but also experts who are very familiar with situations like yours. They help you for free and, if you wish, anonymously, and can be a point of contact for you that you can always turn to.  

Whether you want help to be safer in your relationship or need support to prepare for a separation: in counseling centers, you will find people who can help you individually. For example, they can research what you want to know for you and talk with you about what is holding you back from leaving the violent person - whether emotionally, logistically, financially, or anything else that is worrying you. It takes a lot of courage and strength to leave, and a safe place to go. If you are in danger, they can also find a place for you in a shelter.  

Not every counseling service is the right one for you. If you are affected by discrimination and may not be treated appropriately in a counseling center, you can get information from the Antidiscrimination Office. 

It's important to take the time to document what's happening in your relationship

Write down what you experience in your relationship. For example, you write in a journal if you have a safe place to keep it, but you can also make digital notes if you are sure that your phone or computer is not being monitored. 

It is typical for violence in relationships that the abuser makes the affected person think, over months or years, that they are perceiving reality incorrectly. This is called "gaslighting". Gaslighting deliberately confuses and unsettles the affected person until they eventually no longer trust their own perception. If you are not sure whether your perception of the situation is correct or if you do not trust your assessment at all, the reason may be gaslighting. In this case, it can be very helpful to have your own experiences in black and white in front of you and to be able to reassure yourself that your memories are correct. For example, you can record what happened when and who said or did what and how you felt. And if you later decide to report it, your records might even be used as evidence in a court case.

You will find your own way – step by step

Even if it is similar for many other people, your situation is different from anyone else's. Only you can know what feels right for you. Perhaps you just feel like talking to others online. Or you are the kind of person who likes to read books on a subject. Maybe you can imagine being part of a group of people who regularly meet and talk about what they have experienced. Or you feel better when you move in nature. The possibilities for what could help you are endless, and what has helped someone else may be completely irrelevant to you-listen to your feeling and go the way that feels good. No matter how it looks.